No strings attached. When a person likes the idea of having you in their bed but will not hold your hand in public or honor you with a love connection. I get it, a clear relationship title is scary to attach when the situation allows you to float between bed sheets –no shade, get yours mama– without investing your mind, heart, time and money into someone else.
Titles also bring unspoken expectations and that is enough pressure to drive some of us into free-flowing sexual situationships. When you put a title to your dirty little secret, suddenly there should be texts exchanged daily, phone calls made to each other, explanations of where you are going and with whom and the expectation of spending more time together as if you are attached to the hip. The silent, invisible anticipation of relationship protocol can kill a vibe.
PHEW! Yes, that can be heavy on the brain.
No strings attached may be an acknowledgement of being physically attracted to someone without feeling a deeper connection to them. For some, it is the reality that they feel incapable of being accountable for their emotions or it could be that they crave a sexual thrill but hardly think their sex familiar is worth getting to know outside the anatomy of their private parts. I guess you can say that one can be governed by the flesh or by their spirit.
I will discuss the spiritual element of soulties another day.
But in the end, is it worth it? The no strings attached scenario starts of as fun but naturally we get lonely and start to think about developing the swirl romp series into something stable,concrete and clear-cut –this is the part were things get slightly complex-. We figure that if the bedroom base is covered and we are already in a text-all-day thing,we should be capable of having a normal relationship.
It’s one thing when you are sleeping with somebody else’s man –and personally, that is karma I am not interested in having– but when you are single and potential-bae is single yet you both can’t seem to get past friends with benefits, why continue to possibly share potential-bae with whosoever may trip and fall into his/her bed? Then continue to be a willing participant in your emotional and mental instability. Let’s face it, sex is great but you need to develop a split personality to survive a friends with benefits position.
Why? Human beings are animals by physical nature but spiritually we are awesome witches, emotionally wired weirdos with an innate need for tender,loving care.
Ok, let’s stay focused. Most women don’t know how to do a no strings attached,most men too. No strings attached just means you are booty call; I only text/call you when I want to enjoy an hour of your bedroom…or car…or bathroom aerobics. We are not in a textationship nor trying to be friends. If you want a successful no strings attached, then learn to think like a basic primal creature: savage.
I am not critical or judgemental of either side, especially because I have taken a joy ride on both sides of this steamy boat. It took me a long time to get over the rage of being emotional and mentally abused by men, and the sad part is that I was willing and allowing this to happen to me.
That mess came to a screeching halt when I started asking men directly what it is that they wanted from the get! Talk about grabbing a man by the balls.
I slowly began to demand some form of accountability for their words, each time somebody stepped up to me and said, “Let’s have a no strings attached”, “Friends with benefits”, I would ask what this means exactly.
I quickly found out that some men have no clue of what they want,so long as they are in control of the situation and it is executed on their terms.
Overselling yourself much?
Turns out that some men were not even comfortable with clearly stating what no strings attached or friends with benefits meant without blushing from here to kingdom come.
The quickest exit to that brain freeze was to say, “I’m just not ready for a relationship yet”.
Which pretty much translates to: “I want to be able to sleep with you and any other person I want to without being accountable to you or them. I also want to be able to walk away from you without giving you notice of eviction”.
As good as coitus may be without the burden of being emotionally responsible for yourself and towards another, who do I turn to when I need more than a good romp?
Friends are available by the dozen yet at times even their comforting voices and raw counsel does not seem to suffice (save for two of my kick-ass girl friends who are like so friggin’ dope,if I was a man I’d date these women..together,at the same damn time).
I love the concept of being in my ideal relationship but they do tend to get suffocating.I enjoy the fierce, lustful passion of being in a no strings attached position. The fuck and goodbye type mentality, the sex on speed-dial person, the sex handy man who just comes to give my body a good fixing up then packs up his tool and leaves. Yes, the pussy butler. Yet I also crave pillow talk and sweet nothings. At times I need intellectual mental sparring but most of all somebody to bother at 3am when i’m vulnerable…besides Jesus Christ.
The mental anguish that overwhlems your life when you start to develop more feelings for your sex buddy is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
In the end, I believe that if you are going to get into something with somebody, they need to be present. Often times you will get into situationships with someone that is not thinking about you and is therefore not present unless they are laid up inside you.